Finding Your Heart

Dear Reader,

Are you depressed? Do you feel like giving up? Do you feel like you suck? Like something must be wrong with you because you’re feeling this way? Like you’re defective? Like you’re a piece of shit? Like no one understands you? Like no one even cares about you? Like you’d be better off dead? Does any of this resonate with you? If it does, you’re not alone.

These are very lonely feelings. I know from experience. You may see that the thoughts behind these emotions are false. But sometimes, even so, they are a painful reality, aren’t they?

The truth is, my dear friend, that you are not alone in this. It is my prayer that you would begin to feel that truth more and more.

A Lonely Place

As someone who was bullied early in life, let’s say this all hits close to home. I was a sensitive kid, and was teased relentlessly for it. By the bully’s words and actions, I began to feel worthless. Before long, in my mind, I was worthless. I’m the kid who sucks. That’s who I was. And I started to interpret my world that way. Everything seemed to validate this notion. The pain of it felt like a third degree burn. This taught me to cover my emotions. And so no one knew what was going on. After all, what does it matter, I’m a piece of shit, aren’t I?

When those voices, those messages, those feelings begin to drown out your own sense of value, as they did for me, that’s a lonely place to be. That’s a reason to hide. To suppress. To conceal. To isolate. Left to cope, alone.

Psalm 56:8 — “You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.”

Who in your life would you say values you the most? I imagine it would be someone who knows you the best, no? If your value was molded by their voices, feelings & messages wouldn’t that be so much better? Isn’t that what we want?

What if that person, is God?  

How Much Am I Worth?

Several weeks ago I hiked a mountain and thought to myself, “I wonder how many rocks are in this mountain?” Billions? Trillions? Who could know? And I thought, “God knows exactly how many!”.

I wonder how much that mountain is worth? Like, how much would it take to buy a mountain? What about the sun? Would there be enough money in the whole world if we pooled it all up? What could the worth of our galaxy be? And to think that even these, great as they are, cover just a small, small fraction of our known universe…

Job 26:14 — “Indeed, these are but the fringes of His ways; how faint is the whisper we hear of Him! Who then can understand the thunder of His power?”

If God exists, if He created, runs, and owns this universe, then I just gotta know, how much? How much does He value His creation? If there is a God this big, this powerful, what is He like? And how does He feel towards me? How much am I worth to Him?

The answer, my friend, has been expressed, in Jesus Christ. In Luke 15, Jesus tells three stories of a lost coin, a lost sheep, and a lost son that all seem to clue in on the heart of God towards sinners. In other words, the heart of God towards you (and I), my friend.

John 10:11 — “I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep.”

In this passage, Jesus is responding to the pharisees, who had opinions about who He should be spending His time with. These ones who had power, the religious elite, the righteous, who had societal, “worth” would judge, disassociate with, belittle the broken, the downtrodden, the outcast, the “sinner”. They wouldn’t admit it, but I’m sure they viewed these people as worthless. They certainly did through their actions. Jesus rebukes this!

How much does a woman rejoice when she finds her lost coin? When a shepherd finds his lost sheep? When a father finds his lost son? This is the kind of value that you have in the eyes of Jesus! His heart is not like those of the pharisees. His heart is not like the bully.

Does God Love Me?

This God, the one who made the universe, who rightfully owns it, who controls it, who made the mountains, values YOU, even enough to give His own life! Why? Because you are HIS child. Like, really. More real than the gravity that is holding you down right now. More real than the air you breathe today. Did you know that the very fact that you are alive and breathing right now is proof that He LOVES you?

This God we can not even begin to fathom, loves you with an unfathomable, potent, perfect, and everlasting love! I truly pray that you feel this, dear reader!

Psalm 103:11 — “For his unfailing love toward those who fear him is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth.”

God created you to experience your emotions. Yes, even the difficult ones. And, He longs to experience them with you. To relate to you. To pour out His mercy and love and kindness on you. There is no one on earth that knows you better, and there is no one on earth that loves you more. The same you whom others have devalued, belittled, drug through the mud and effectively deemed worthless. He loves that you; He even treasures that you!

You are not worthless to Him, far from it! So you don’t have to bottle up your emotions anymore. You don’t have to be afraid of feeling and expressing these intense emotions in God’s presence because He values you so much, as His beloved child!

Come Out of Hiding, Into Home

Ever since the beginning, we as a species have been hiding, it’s our natural instinct. It’s my natural instinct. I’ve been doing it for 31 years and I’ve become good at it. But what if it doesn’t have to be that way? What if we don’t have to hold our emotions inside and suppress them, but express them, in a healthy way? All this time in our shame and fear we hide ourselves from Him, but Jesus says, don’t be afraid. Come to Me. I love you. Let go of what’s killing you and cling to Me. I will give you life!

Because you are a child of the Most High God, you can KNOW you are precious to Him. You can rest in that. There’s no need to be afraid. You can come to Him, as you are, in your emotions, in your dirtiness, as His child. He will accept you with open arms.

Dear reader, you are so loved. And there’s nothing you can do about it! You’re just His kid! So whether for first time in your life or for the hundredth time, come to Jesus today. You won’t regret it 🙂

Luke 15:20 — “So he got up and went to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.”